Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Oh hi!

It's been gazillion years since I updated my blog. I've been everywhere! Not literally but I guess kinda. Went back to Brunei for my SSC project for a month. Actually it was an excuse to go back for Chinese new year! Haha! I'll talk more about it next time. I actually only enjoyed the first 3 days while I was home because I've been really anxious about finals! People who are close to me will know I get freaked out before every exam, it's crazy but my boyfriend usually suffers the consequences. Haha! So I was complaining to him about being bored studying all the time and he online delivered me some macarons! Actually, it'd been a while since I had some! A while means 2 months *rolls eyes* Sometimes, I get really sick of studying 1 subject, e.g. cardiovascular system, literally sick that I feel nauseous but I used to force myself to study anyway 'cos I got a timetable written up and it's like 3 consecutive days of studying cardiology and yeah, it can make me nauseous, it's weird. I'm not sure if anyone else experiences that. But of course, I didn't really vomit, just felt nauseous. Lol. So I just go with the flow this time, with whatever I feel like studying.

Anyway, mom and Ian have been accompanying me on Skype a lot, to study. It's crazy 'cos I like company when I study, a company who doesn't talk, that is. LOL. It's quite difficult with mom and my niece 'cos I tend to want to talk and play with my niece on Skype, show her all sorts of things I have in my room, like Angry Birds and stuff. Haha! So I skype with Ian more nowadays and sometimes he will accompany into late nights of Brunei time. I miss him being around cooking for me! Luckily, mom cooked me lots of food! I actually haven't been cooking at all since I came back from Brunei for more than 3 weeks now? LOL. I either eat the food mom cooked for me or takeaway. Not bother to cook at all. This is my life without a boyfriend in the UK. LOL. But I'm glad that he still accompanies on Skype! Feeling blessed and lucky to have him and mom <3

Anyway, I've gotta go! Wish me lots and lots of luck! XX

Sunday, 12 January 2014


Happy new year!

So 2014 started me off with a bad runny nose, sore throat and cough. I'm almost fully recovered now. I still had to go to my GP placement every day this week because I missed a few days during my first week. I used to consider GP as one of the potential careers I'd do in the future but now it bores me to the point that I almost hate it. Back in third year, I had a similar GP placement and I enjoyed it a lot but I've changed over a period of 2 years. During the first week, I thought it was just the traveling that made me dislike GP but the second week, I realized, it's almost everything about it, it's just so long-winded. I miss running around the ward in a hospital setting. I hate sitting down in a consultation room all day long. I used to like that but it's a wonder how I've changed now. I was just telling my friends about it and one of them was like, "You should work at Accident & Emergency." LOL. I guess I'll seriously prefer that. But my GP tutor is really really nice to me but shame, I just hate the small clinic setting and all day consultations. But the good thing is I have my own consultation room and I see 8 patients a day on my own, which is all good experience and that's the only thing I enjoy about being in this placement. I just can't wait for it to be over.

A lot has changed in me within these few years and I've slowly come to realize every single change. I'd say it's a good change for myself. My thinking has changed, the things I like and dislike have changed. I was just watching Michelle Phan's new year resolution video and her first resolution was what I'd already started doing last year when I went to Rome because I noticed how obsessed I was over my phone, I was addicted to instagram, just updating and browsing through beautiful pictures. Many times, I just lost interest in my surrounding and the people around me. My boyfriend has complained about it a few times and there was once he was actually mad and I had to put away my phone so I could have a good meal with him for a good 30 minutes without me updating or checking on instagram. Though at that time, I still didn't think much of it. And I thought back to my December holiday in Europe a year ago and how I was constantly taking pictures of places and things and just kept updating my instagram, I didn't actually get to enjoy what was around me. Like Michelle said, she took 10 mins just to take a good picture, 10 mins to find a good filter and 10 mins just to update and by then 30 mins have gone by and then we're about to leave the place. It's crazy. And when I came back from the holiday, I remember pictures I took but not as much as the memory of myself at those places.

So when I went to Rome with Ian last October, I just wanted to enjoy everything in Rome and Ian's company, knowing that he would be leaving for good soon. I perhaps only updated a picture or two on Instagram during my whole trip when we were back at the hotel and I just didn't do roaming to my phone, unlike when I was in Europe, I did the roaming for it, shouldn't have wasted my money though. And I really enjoyed Rome, I remember every memory of it because I was enjoying it without spending time on my phone. And I thought back to my trip to Paris, it was almost the same feeling, it just felt so relaxed and the mind just absorbed all the people and the surrounding and that's why I can still remember these 2 trips vividly. I reminisce them a lot more! Haha. And also because Ian was there, with him, it feels safe and like home no matter where we go =)

Anyway, I got sidetracked. So that's also one of the reasons I was thinking of deleting my old instagram, I was obsessed with it and I knew I had viewers. I heard from people who heard from people about the food I ate, what I did, what I bought. They were all good comments, I don't remember people saying nasty things about me on Instagram so I enjoyed it while it lasted. But there were times when I updated just for the sake of updating and whatever I did, in my mind, I was like, "It's so beautiful, I'm gonna take a picture and upload it." So yeah and now I've deleted it so I can enjoy my surrounding more. I do have a private one now, which I just upload whatever the crap I want, which isn't interesting so don't follow. LOL. I still take lots of pictures though, this will never change I think. Haha. But I upload them much later when I'm home, I only update my Facebook now anyway.

Okay, here are two pictures from Paris, it was how I started my 3 years here in the UK!
I uploaded my pictures in Disneyland too many times so here's a picture at the Louvre instead! <3

Anyway, happy new year! Hope the next few weeks will be great!


Saturday, 28 December 2013


I didn't expect myself to have another blog entry before 2013 ends but I just feel like blogging now. So Yuan and I bumped into the queen of Brunei yesterday at Chanel Boutique, Sloanne Street; Knightsbridge! I think that's the highlight of my almost 3 years here in London! Haha!

I have been planning to have tea with Yuan at this nice Drawing Room at Cadogan Hotel for 2 weeks now. I booked 2 weeks in advance and have been very excited about it. I've said this many times before but there's something about tea rooms that make me really happy, you know sipping tea, eating scones, sandwiches and just sweet desserts while talking about anything. That's my ideal way to spend any day. Haha.

So we arrived an hour earlier at Knightsbridge 'cos we are both really bad with directions. Even with the help of google map, we still didn't trust ourselves. Haha. But it was really easy to get to, we realized it was just a straight path from the tube station so on the way, there were these two rows of branded boutiques and we were just delightfully window-shopping! We went into Dior first. I instantly fell in love with a Dior bag. It's really pricey, it almost doubles the price of my Celine and it's more expensive than a Chanel flap bag. Yeah, I know. So I told myself that'd be my reward if I pass my finals this coming April! Since it's a really expensive bag, I've started saving now and *coughs* with my parents' help if I pass finals, my Dior dream bag will come true!! And of course that will be the last reward my parents will ever give me 'cos I'll no longer be a student *fingers-crossed* Ian said he'd chip in as well. LOL.

I initially wanted a Chanel flap bag in any colour but not black or beige 'cos they are everywhere I go and every picture I see. So I thought of royal blue, turquoise or the gold Chanel boy. I don't know, when I'm rich in the future, I might still get a Chanel flap bag in my favourite colour =) Some designs of Dior were partly inspired by Princess Diana and she was actually part of the reason the brand got famous as well. I went to the Harrods Dior exhibition few months ago, I was enchanted by it! 

Okay, enough of my next dream bag! And so we went to Chanel after that. We were on the first floor, just casually scanning through and just as I was about to go down the stairs, that's when I saw Her 
Majesty! She was approaching the stairs, where I was. I was totally stunned! She kept smiling at me, she must have known I could recognize her from my expression. Haha. So I told her we were Bruneians and she was really kind to have a picture with us!
I was actually quite shaky and after that we chatted for a while. She was very friendly, nice and generous as well! When people knew about the encounter, they just bombarded us with questions. Haha. It was funny though. Like they wanted to know what language she spoke, how she shopped, what she bought, were there a lot of securities. Hahaha!! She was really approachable and friendly and she was just shopping like any other shopper with a few other lady companions with her, you know like a girly outing! But of course the Chanel staff members knew her but not other shoppers until we took pictures with her =x The branded boutiques in Sloanne street are usually quiet, that's why I tend to shop there when I really wanna buy stuff, don't have to wait for an hour's queue just to be served. I was just reminiscing buying my first Chanel there yesterday when I first went into the boutique. Haha. And we saw her leave and waved at her outside Chanel as Her Majesty climbed into her ride and she was waving and smiling at us. It just felt homey, for some reason. Some asked what car it was, I actually didn't notice, even though it was parked just right in front of my eyes. Haha. But I think it was a Rolls Royce.

So after that, off we went to our planned tea time with all smiles! It was really a lucky day, who would have known? Yuan's mom said she's gonna develop the picture and gave one to my dad. I swear that was the only time my mom was actually proud of my shopping moment. Haha. My mom usually likes to nag at me shopping but my dad is very cool with that =D 
The drawing room at Cadogan Hotel was beyond words, too beautiful! Okay now, take a moment to take in the next 3 pictures. Hahaha.

So this is our tea set with champagne.

That creamy scone was orgasmic!

And we went to Harrods after that, from when it was still bright till evening, it's beautiful at night.
Took a picture with Lego Santa Claus to show Ian. Haha.

Okay, I'm gonna end it here. We are going to London Eye to count down on the 31st December! And it'll actually be my first time counting down there after almost 3 years! The first year, Ian wasn't feeling well, second year, we were in Prague and this will be my chance. Haha. And there'll be an event meeting with The royal family at the Hilton Hotel tomorrow, we are just lucky to get to meet Her Majesty first yesterday! Oh my, it all still seems so surreal. I don't know when I'll ever get over it. Haha!

Happy new year in advance! I'm gonna dig in some ice-cream now! The weird thing I do during winter! May the new year be full of love and blessings too! <3


Friday, 20 December 2013

A smile

So today should be the last day of placement but I'm not feeling well so I'm not going in. I'm just continuing reading 'Don't Sweat The Small Stuff and it's all small stuff' and I came across these two pages. Since I came to the UK, I realized how friendly strangers can be, they'll just smile and say hello most of the time. Yeah, I know of course my parents have warned me about strangers since I was young and as I grow older, my boyfriend is the one who always warns me about strangers. 

Anyway, I'm sure I can tell when a stranger is being creepy but some do seem quite creepy when they smile and say hello. When I first came to London, I never understood when I heard people telling me people in London are rude, I still don't actually, except for certain races whom of course I'm not gonna name. 

I remember there was once I got stranded at Watford Junction on my way back to London from Glasgow and it was late in the evening, I was using the train but due to another suicidal case ahead *rolls eyes* the train had to pull over at Watford Junction and wasn't able to continue its journey so I had to take the bus in order to get to a tube station but I wasn't aware that my Oyster card didn't have enough credit and I didn't have enough cash with me! This always happens and I stupidly asked the bus driver if I could swipe my Visa card *rolls eyes at myself* #dafuq Of course he said no, I was just trying my luck. LOL. Anyway, so there was this nice gentleman, he was the one who told me I had to take a bus to get to a tube station in the first place and he saw me talking to the bus driver so he paid for my bus ride to the station. I remember being really thankful that night, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have made it back to London that night. That's one of the most memorable experience I've ever had with a stranger. And we exchanged numbers, LOL. Just kidding! Sounded more and more like a Nicholas Sparks novel huh? #dafuq No, we didn't exchange numbers, it just ended there. LOL. I didn't wanna get man slaughtered by my boyfriend.

So that was a good experience. Here's a weird one. So I was on a train ride to Glasgow from London. Just half an hour before the train arrived, the carriage I was in was almost empty as most passengers were dropped off at the previous stations and Glasgow was always the last call. And there was this gentleman in black suit, obviously just got off work probably, came to talk to me, maybe just really bored from the almost 5 hours train ride. So we talked about some random stuff and he told me he was an Oxford graduate or something, I was like, 'Okay.' And he asked me the reason I was going to Glasgow. I said to meet my boyfriend who was going to fetch me at the train station and he still asked me where I was gonna stay and if we should come out for coffee. I forgot what I replied him now but it was just plain awkward as the train arrived and Ian was there waiting. And I told Ian, 'There's this guy who has just asked me out for coffee, there but don't look.' 

He was like, 'Where?!'

LOL. Who was I kidding, of course he would wanna know which one #dafuq I was like, 'Just go!'

Telling about this story actually makes me miss going to Glasgow! Minus the weird encounters. It's really nice because whenever I reached Glasgow, Ian would have prepared dinner, ready at home.

And I never noticed I smile at strangers quite often until Ian and I got really close. I don't think we were an item back then but I remember we were walking to the library during our first few weeks in university and a cleaner passed by and I smiled at her. That was when Ian commented that he noticed I smiled at strangers quite often. I was like, 'I do?' And after his first comment 5 years ago now, there were various people who said the same thing to me, they said I was always smiling. Just few weeks ago, I bumped into a psychiatrist whom I did a placement with last year and as I was walking down the stairs, he called my name. Quite a big deal that doctors remember students' names. LOL. He commented that he remembered me because I was always smiling at everyone. And also, probably the fact that I'm from Brunei. Haha. But I know I do have days when I feel murderous. Lol. Maybe they just happen to see me when I'm in a better mood.

Anyway, I thought I'd end the year with a better blogpost about smiling and strangers, instead of the diagnosis of death. This is the beginning of the jolly holiday and I'll be fetching Yuan from the train station later!

Hope the new year will be great! Xx

Thursday, 19 December 2013

Diagnosis of death

So this week is my last week of placement before my winter break. It's also my first week of GP placement, which I have to travel one and a half hour of bus ride for and change 2 buses. I got lost the first day and ended up being an hour late but luckily, the GPs were understanding. Had a rough first day, when I was on my way home, all buses had to stop many stations away from my home because there was an accident ahead so I had to walk all the way home. As frustrated as I wanted to be, I kinda get used to how things work in the UK. Left the GP at 5.30 pm and reached home just before 8 pm, great.

Yesterday morning, I went with the GP to this 5 star nursing home, it was really beautiful, it literally looked just like a hotel. There were three floors and dining rooms were beautiful, gardens were breathtaking. It looked like something out of a rich English mansion from my novel. Patients pay £1800 a week, just imagine how posh the place was.

We went past a room and the GP just said we had to certify a death so we went in. The room was dimly lit and the GP just asked me to do it, I told her, "I've never done it before." So she asked me how I'd go about doing it so I told her what I knew and she asked me to just do it. I diagnosed a death, it was my first one. 

I was in a lot of shock as I never expected it to happen right that moment. I've imagined myself doing it in ICU or a ward but not during a nursing home visit. So I summoned whatever courage still left in me, I opened each of the patient's eye to look for a fixed dilated pupil. Luckily, I didn't tremble at all when I felt for his carotid and radial pulses. Even though for a moment, I thought I could feel them, they must have been my own pulses and they went away as I concentrated on feeling for the pulses. The room was a complete silence as I placed my stethoscope to listen to his chest. It was my first time having to listen to a chest that wasn't moving with breaths. It all seemed to happen in quick seconds and I tried not to think about it afterwards. 

As I go further into medicine, I've trained myself to be numbed to many things, one of them would be hearing about patients' deaths in the ward. I used to be a little terrified hearing about deaths, now it's just 'one of the things' happening in the ward. I've never witnessed a patient dying in front of me. It usually happened when I was not on the ward and I just heard it from another person the following day. Diagnosing death was something completely new to me and just one of the things I'll have to train myself to be numbed about.

Anyway, such an eventful way to end the year. Tomorrow will be the last day at GP before my Christmas break. I can't wait! I need a good break. Please let the new year be good! Xx