My boyfriend's Big Bang 25th!

 Helloooooooooooo!

So I passed my progress test! The mail had to come on a Saturday when I was out with Darling! My housemate texted me, saying results were out so at 2 pm, Darling was feeling really hungry and I said we would go eat, I had to cancel it. I was like, "Let's go home now. I wanna see my results now." I'm not sure about your uni but mine is really old school, they won't send us the softcopy of our results, they send us hardcopy to our doorstep so just imagine tearing open the letter part, with shaky hands and getting the paper the other way round before you actually see your results. LOL. 

So Darling went to Sainsbury to do some grocery shopping, doing his usual househusband thing in London. Haha! And I went home first. I tore open the letter and as I was mentioning with shaky hands and an upside-down view which looked like this - ∀! It totally moved me to tears! 'Cos I had this anxiety attack after my progress test and that was the time I got into my paediatrics placement. First day sitting through the briefing, I just spaced-out thinking about what kind of results I'd get. It was crazy, it was haunting me like mad - what Med-school does to me #Firstworldproblems. I got so worried 'cos I know of people who had to resit the year 'cos of the test =( It was horrible.

Currently, preparing for the big exams in July, another anxiety is building up. I never got so worried over tests/exams when I was back in Brunei, it's not 'cos it's more difficult here in the UK but just 'cos I wanna get over it and graduate soon! In fact, I think studying medicine the first 3 years in Brunei was so much tougher than right now. I really enjoy clinical years here =) Just have to work my ass off for the upcoming exams in July which will happen in exactly 2 months from now! I wanna go back to Brunei for 3 weeks and come back in August as a final year medical student! *Fingers-crossed* First, I wanna go back to Brunei to eat all the food I can, I wanna eat EVERYTHING LOCAL!

But thank God, I have a boyfriend who can cook local food really well! He feeds my craving and he sometimes overfeeds me. Haha! As I was saying, he went to Sainsbury while I went back to check my results, I called him in tears, "I passed!"

He was like, "Yeay~! Come to Sainsbury now, let's grocery shop."

When I met him up, "Why aren't you surprised I passed?"

Him, "I knew you were going to pass."

Awww, that means a lot to me! And so he almost bought the whole Sainsbury home, I freaked-out, looking at the overflowing grocery basket. Him, "We're going to celebrate that you passed." LOL!!

Celebrated his advanced birthday as well 'cos I'll have on-call this Sunday which is his actual birthday. Last year, we didn't celebrate on the exact day as well, even though it also fell on a weekend 'cos I had to attend a revision course. Things medical students have to sacrifice for.

Went to Duck and Waffle at Heron Tower for the first time, on the 40th floor. The view was great from high up the tower!

In the elevator with transparent glass.

The Duck and Waffle was indeed really good! I think I'll go back for it again!

Birthday boy.

And his date =D

I'd love to upload more of Darling's pics but as I was just making fun of him, "I wanna put up more of your pics but most of your pics, you're either halfway talking or eating with your mouth hanging open."

Him, "But I look handsome in person." Shameless thing you say to your girlfriend when nobody's around. LOL!

And the best part was the birthday picnic behind my house! Simple things are still the best! It was a success 'cos he was really excited. While I was still preparing the bento, he was like, "Are we ready? I'm so excited. I go down to spread the picnic mat first." And I insisted to hang the birthday banner. LOL!

 I baked him a cake!

It's not just any cake, it's a rainbow cake! I really love it myself #shameless

Made him panda-theme bento with Japanese curry!

Those asparagus are meant to be bamboo shoots. Haha!! Pandas in the forest.

And Darling BBQ-ed chicken wings and sausages, he marinated them the night before, so juicy, spicy and yummy!!

And he cooks yummy food! He cooked nasi lemak when he was in London, so yummy. Thinking of it makes me hungry now.

Went to watch Iron Man III 'cos he still loves the Marvels. Haha! At BFI IMAX with the biggest screen in Britain.

Went near the Thames River after that. And he takes nice pictures of me! There are some unglamourous ones but most are quite good. LOL.

And he brought me to a Chinese Temple the day before my progress test results were out 'cos he knew I was anxious and I'm a superstitious person, going to the temple will calm me down. If I could convince you, that's a Chinese temple behind me in the picture below, it has a wishing pond too! Yes, in London!

And he kept feeding me when he was here, we had pizzas for 2 breakfasts, curly fries and rainbow cakes.

He was using his fork to stab the fries and he was like, "Look, it's Chanel." 

I was like, "HAHAHAHA! Why you so lame one?"

Other pictures he took for me from the picnic...

Actually it felt like a dream has come true when this picnic happened 'cos I'd always wanted to do it since I moved into my home almost a year ago and I'd thought of doing something really similar with a photoshoot at my backyard but the reality was much better! I can mentally tick it off from my list now. Thanks Darling for making it happen!

Actually there's a reason I baked him a rainbow cake 'cos he's like the rainbow in my life after every rain. He's always there to comfort me since we've been together. He is the bestfriend I never had, besides my sisters. He has always been there since I entered medical school. Studying medicine can be quite tough and the thing for me is, it's really nerve-wrecking. And Darling always nags me to study. Haha. I've mentioned this many times before but he sounds just like my mom, now he actually nags me more than my mom 'cos she's in Brunei =X He knows how to calm my nerves, he has been everywhere I go since we started dating. He has been here since I first came to the UK, I remember I was usually homesick last year and the closest place that felt like home was Glasgow and he always makes me feel so comfy! So I headed there a lot last year but I'm slowly adapting to things now. Thanks for making me stronger! I hardly make promises but I promise you'll have a doctor-girlfriend soon, hopefully so that you won't have 'white-coat syndrome' ever again <3

 

And now, back to reality. Exams in 2 months' time! Can't wait to pass and be in Brunei for 3 weeks! XX

Life, being life.

Haven't been in the mood to blog lately 'cos I've been freaking out about my test, had it last 2 weeks and have had this anxiety since then. I can only hope for the best! *Prays*

Currently, I'm on my paediatrics placement. I realized I still love Obstetrics & Gynaecology! I used to think I'd love to be a paediatrician 'cos I loved kids until I really got into medicine and I realized being a paediatrician would be the last thing one would be if one loves kids. I started my placement at paediatric ICU, I know, of all places, it's the ICU! First day, I went in, saw the kids lying helplessly on the hospital beds, my energy got drained just like that. I saw this really beautiful baby boy, he was lying in bed with all sort of horrible tubes connecting to him, he had an NG tube down his throat (oesophagus) and a tracheostomy tube in his throat (trachea). I couldn't help but be curious about what his problem was so I flipped through his notes and realized he got SMARD, whipped out my iPhone and started googling so it's this neuromuscular disorder with a long fancy name called 'Spinal muscular atrophy and respiratory distress' - he's having problems with mobility and breathing and he might need to have the tracheostomy tube in his throat (trachea) for life.

Like I said, it was like all energy got drained when you see patients like that but it got me thinking about all the simple things in life I am able to do. Actually being able to breathe normally on my own is a blessing, being able to move around freely is a blessing. The baby with SMARD can't breathe by himself and won't be able to move independently for life, my heart really goes out to him and other babies in the ICU. Little things like these do make me appreciate life more and get me thinking at the same time.

I came across this video on Facebook few days ago. Link below...
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=451214254956059

It's about this autistic child whose parents didn't give up on her by encouraging her to be the best she could and spend a lot on weekly therapies, hoping to see her improve and miraculously, she did through typing, she voiced out her feelings and curiosities about the world. It's always amazing to see things turn out to be good but everyone doing medicine knows not every case has a happy ending. We just have to deal with that, I do realize since I joined medicine, I still have empathy and sympathy towards people in general but there are some things when I just have to be numb about. I mean if I'm gonna be sad or cry over every single patient who's not going to be well, even with the best that health professionals can do, medicine won't be for me so yeah, in a way, I've become stronger emotionally, I guess. And 5 weeks from now, I'll be joining the palliative care team in neurology for a week, good luck to me!

I've also realized something about life. It keeps changing to challenge us, like whenever I'm in a new situation, I feel the stress, I learn, starting to adapt to things and as things fall into place, I'm comfy in my position, things will level up and bring me to another stage, give me a new kind of stress so I have to go through a new phase and feel another kind of stress with probably a new way of overcoming it and getting comfy again and there comes another phase. As I get older, that's what I've noticed, those different phases. It's not just about studying/working, it applies to my relationships and friendships as well. I guess that's why people refer to them as the ups and downs of life.

And since I noticed the different phases life keeps throwing my way whenever I get comfy in a situation, I've started to live in the moment because I know it won't last forever so I just have to make the most of it while it lasts. This is my personal experience. I'm wondering if everyone is going through the same thing! Haha. But I guess it makes me a stronger person at the end of the day. I'm just glad to have loved ones there for me, who are always encouraging. Though I know I have to be independent on my own 'cos they're not with me physically but by fulfilling my emotional needs is enough, be a listening ear, giving advice, that's all I need 'cos I have to go through and experience things myself. Currently, the strongest pillars of support are still my family and boyfriend but my family are so far away so Darling has been the one always here for me physically whenever he could. I'm really glad to have him here for me since last 2 years when I first came in August 2011, how time has flown by! I remember all the things he has done to help me settle down and has to deal with my monthly emotional psycho symptoms (LOL). And he'll probably go back to Brunei for good after his masters. See what I was saying, life throws a new kind of stress at me as soon as I get really comfy with my boyfriend around for a while. Or he might continue doing his PhD, he can't seem to decide at the moment. Haha. He said, "But I pity you, being here alone." Awwww but I'm okay with him doing either, I'll still be proud of him for having done so well already, currently.

I found a quote which conveys exactly how I'm thinking about life right now...

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.” - Gilda Radner.

And lastly, I just wanna pass my test right now! Wish me luck! xx

Taking a break.

Hi!!

Everything is quite low today, nothing bad happened but I just feel flat today. Hormones, leave me alone. Lol. I've been busy for the past weeks, when I'm home on some afternoons, I try to catch up on my learning objectives because there are tonnes of them. I'm currently doing Obstetrics & Gynaecology, to be honest, it's the specialty which interests me the most so far. I really love it =) The only thing is the timetable given to me which is all messed-up and wrong so I have to figure out how to go about things myself but that's fine, it happens all the time, I'm just a bit out of luck this placement. My psychiatry placement was great, I mean the timetable, everything went so smoothly. It's quite common to have a messed-up timetable as a medical student at least once in your entire year, like sometimes I'll hear other students complaining about theirs as well.

There are quite a few things I need to chase up to do before the year ends in July, if I'm desperate, I'll go in on weekends. My birthday just passed 2 weeks ago. I didn't do anything special during the actual day because it was a Tuesday and I was busy from 8 am till 7 pm  so Darling was being really sweet, he was in Glasgow actually and he online-ordered me Chinese take-away for dinner and it was delivered to my doorstep. That was the highlight of my day, it was really sweet of him because he knew I wouldn't bother to cook. Lol. I had my favourite hot and sour soup and vegetable spring rolls, so yummy!!

But I celebrated with Darling the weekend before the actual day in Glasgow and we celebrated again last weekend in Birmingham! This year, it was a bit more special because he said he bought us train tickets to Birmingham, to the All England badminton semi-final and finals as well, hotel and food all sponsored by him and that's the birthday present =) It was a nice and lovely weekend getaway, I've missed our Paris trip, just the two of us and that Birmingham trip reminded me of it. It's great just to chill, not having to think about anything at all for a while, just a while.
In Glasgow...

We went to watch the comedy, 'This Is Forty.' It was so hilarious!! My boyfriend said I laughed very loudly in the cinema. Hahaha!

Birmingham...

We had breakfast in one of these small boats below! It was such a sweet experience.

Overlooking the ducks swimming =D

The badminton games, highlight of our trip...

It was a great experience watching the games in person and watch how the cameramen work (what I was most amazed about and my boyfriend had to roll his eyes) LOL. 'Cos he was more focussed on how the players did. LOL. We both supported Lee Chong Wei 'cos my boyfriend likes him but he didn't win, he got second place, which was great as well =)

Besides that, I was out and about for a bit. I went to the London Fashion Weekend for the first time because I missed the one last year, I didn't know when it happened then but I made it to the one this year with Wei =)

Because I'm a crazy dog lover.

Twiggy was being interviewed behind me on the screen =D

The runway show featured Issa collection by designer Daniella Helayel, her spring/summer tropically inspired collection and there were lots of floral prints and headbands! So pretty. She was made more famous by Kate Middleton, she wore a dress by Issa to the announcement of her engagement to Prince William =) This is one of the Issa dresses she wore. She's so beautiful.

The runway show...

Besides that, I had a nice Chinese new year celebration with Darling and cousins, it was nice, can't compare with celebrating at home but being away from home, this is the best I could get, I'm not going to complain =)

Recently, besides work, I've been reflectng on life a bit when my mind wanders off, haha. I've started to appreciate simplicity again. I love being simple, not expecting anything from anyone, just be myself. I have everything I'd ever wanted now but sometimes when I really miss my family, materials won't cheer me up. I know it's really easy and tempting to reach for things when I'm in London but recently, I've really come to understand the empty feeling to have all the materials in the world but my loved ones are so far away. I still do skype with mom every morning, she's so sweet but sometimes I just miss being home, my home sweet home, so cosy, I could do anything or nothing at all, just being surrounded by my loved ones, that's all that matters. In general, materials are nothing.

I'm considered lucky to have my family skyping with me everyday, my niece is always so naughty on skype, really miss her as well. I can't wait to be back home =) A picture collage of her, she's too cute!!

Mom was asking me what I wanted for my birthday, I said, "It's okay, I want something only if I pass my P year exams, I'll delay having my birthday present." She's always the sweetest, she gives me rewards when I do well in school, it's always been that way since I was young =P I feel really lucky to be surrounded by loved ones, even though they're not with me physically, their encouraging words keep me going. No matter how rich or successful a person is, if he/she has no one to share his/her fortune and success with, there's no point at all. And every single person's definition of success is different too, a person can earn 1k a month and to him, that's success. So be simple, be optimistic, do the best you can. While I'm still young, learn more before my brain gets rusty and dementic. Lol. Knowledge is gold. To me, there's something really attractive about a woman who's confident and knowledgeable, with a good attitude, of course.

In conclusion, I'm just plain old now, feeling like a Big Bang 24. Lol. I even told my boyfriend, "You don't have to shower me with expensive gifts, just bring me grocery shopping, I'll be happy." He was like, "Are you sureee?" I mean I still loveeee shopping, I can't deny that but I'm slowing it down till exam's over. LOL!! There are so many new Spring/Summer collections for all brands!! I must calm down *inhales, exhales* Lol. I've got all the things I wanted to get in 2012. I got my red Celine tote and two YSL Arty rings =X I really love them. They're all rewards from mom and dad 'cos I did well in T year =) Bless~

Gotta do well in this coming P year exams as well, I've come so far, just have to work hard a bit more! This weekend, I'm going to attend the Ace Medicine revision course 8.30 am - 5 pm, Saturday and Sunday. I think I'm going to enjoy it, I like revision course, for some reason. I'm just old. LOL! My boyfriend wanna prove me wrong. He DIY this birthday card for me, he wrote that I'm still young and lovely. Haha!! I asked him why he didn't colour the balloon, he said 'cos if he did, I wouldn't be able to see the green shiny part. That's so funny, I burst out laughing. That's creative. LOL.

Really appeciate everything he has done for me when my family are not around. Next year if he's no longer around, I'll be like #Foreveralone. LOL! Just kidding! I'm trying to get used to things. I'm not expecting anything, nature will take its course =) Thanks for doting on me so much!! Every year, I say the same thing, I don't know what I've done to deserve this kind of nice treatment but I appreciate it and you <3 And thanks for the lovely Valentine's day, I had a great time! <3

XX!